I couldn't help but think on it, to be very honest. There was a lot for me to digest. More importantly, I want to know how you're feeling lately. Are your emotions still causing you great harm?
Anyway, I've done some extensive research on the topic, and what you told me held sound. Emotions can be attributed to chemical reactions in the brain! It amazes me how much detail we know of these chemicals and how they affect what emotion. Knowing this, I can find a way for you to better control the emotions you would rather not feel. You know, the ones that cause you pain.
I don't think I've ever asked you this. Which emotions are specifically bothering you the most?
This information you must keep in the strictest of confidence. No matter who attempts to obtain it from you, you cannot breathe a word of it.
...That said, "the most" is relative. I will speak only of the two that plague me more than others, although that does not limit it to them by any means.
First off, I have found my thoughts wandering to affection for someone. I cannot be distracted, and these things halt my actions. What must be done cannot forgive a heart that lies elsewhere.
That is far more recent. More consumingly, there is the issue of hatred. I have been overcome with it before, and I know that it cannot exist in me. I do not permit myself to act on it, but still it lurks within, and simply denying it only builds it. Especially when surrounded by so many who provoke that hatred.
...Rhys, I must be honest. These things pain me equally. I cannot permit myself to have either thought, nor have my actions dictated by either. I must set this world right and to do so I must rid myself of all such things.
Goodness, Cyrus! These feelings... they all sound so normal! You're in love? That's all there is? Oh, Cyrus, have you ever let her know how you feel? Something wonderful can come out of that if you would just let it! And here I was expecting something entirely different. Heartache and hatred will hurt anyone who suffers from them. I understand you wanted to keep this on confidential terms, but have you ever considered any forms of counseling? Formal or informal, it doesn't matter. Sometimes talking things out is enough to settle strong feelings inside you.
If you insist! I think I understand why you want to keep these things secret now. Haha.
Although... there's a bit of a problem I seem to have encountered. I'm not sure if there's any true emotion we can label as "love". Nor "hate". There are feelings associated with both concepts, but true love and hate are two things that develop over time, and with our memories of the ones we share our experiences with. So I'm assuming you don't want the "side-effects" those two feelings bring. Probably... anger, for one. Still... I really don't see why you would want to eliminate happiness. Is it really that much of a distraction? I mean, you could always act on it and see what comes of it... You never know until you try! You for one could use some love in your life, Cyrus! Maybe it will be a source of inspiration for your goals?
I'll look more into this so that I may apply specifics. I want to be careful to avoid harmful side-effects, and since you want this to be kept secret, I can't ask you to consult a medical specialist for these prescriptions. In the meantime, I hope you feel well. If you need to talk to anyone for anything that might be bothering you, I'm right here!
To develop them over time is even more illogical. An impulse is far more forgivable than something cultivated.
There is no inspiration in any of that. Not in having them. In a way I suppose you are correct, but it is for an entirely different reason. I see what these things have done to the world and thus I am spurred on to work. If I was to embrace those things within myself, all hope would be lost.
You must do what it takes. I will permit you to draw blood if you must study my chemical makeup to best prescribe something.
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branchandroot
private, obvs
Date: 2011-04-25 06:36 pm (UTC)Re: private, obvs
Date: 2011-04-26 02:48 am (UTC)I cannot permit this to continue.
Re: private, obvs
Date: 2011-04-26 07:47 pm (UTC)Anyway, I've done some extensive research on the topic, and what you told me held sound. Emotions can be attributed to chemical reactions in the brain! It amazes me how much detail we know of these chemicals and how they affect what emotion. Knowing this, I can find a way for you to better control the emotions you would rather not feel. You know, the ones that cause you pain.
I don't think I've ever asked you this. Which emotions are specifically bothering you the most?
Re: private, obvs
Date: 2011-04-27 03:17 am (UTC)...That said, "the most" is relative. I will speak only of the two that plague me more than others, although that does not limit it to them by any means.
First off, I have found my thoughts wandering to affection for someone. I cannot be distracted, and these things halt my actions. What must be done cannot forgive a heart that lies elsewhere.
That is far more recent. More consumingly, there is the issue of hatred. I have been overcome with it before, and I know that it cannot exist in me. I do not permit myself to act on it, but still it lurks within, and simply denying it only builds it. Especially when surrounded by so many who provoke that hatred.
...Rhys, I must be honest. These things pain me equally. I cannot permit myself to have either thought, nor have my actions dictated by either. I must set this world right and to do so I must rid myself of all such things.
RHYS... NO, YOU DON'T GET IT
Date: 2011-04-30 06:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-01 05:28 am (UTC)...She knows. I will say that much. But I will not give voice to that. I cannot under any circumstances permit myself to stray from my path.
I will not voice it to any other. You are the only one I trust on this matter.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-04 02:40 am (UTC)Although... there's a bit of a problem I seem to have encountered. I'm not sure if there's any true emotion we can label as "love". Nor "hate". There are feelings associated with both concepts, but true love and hate are two things that develop over time, and with our memories of the ones we share our experiences with. So I'm assuming you don't want the "side-effects" those two feelings bring. Probably... anger, for one. Still... I really don't see why you would want to eliminate happiness. Is it really that much of a distraction? I mean, you could always act on it and see what comes of it... You never know until you try!
You for one could use some love in your life, Cyrus!Maybe it will be a source of inspiration for your goals?I'll look more into this so that I may apply specifics. I want to be careful to avoid harmful side-effects, and since you want this to be kept secret, I can't ask you to consult a medical specialist for these prescriptions. In the meantime, I hope you feel well. If you need to talk to anyone for anything that might be bothering you, I'm right here!
no subject
Date: 2011-05-05 06:18 am (UTC)There is no inspiration in any of that. Not in having them. In a way I suppose you are correct, but it is for an entirely different reason. I see what these things have done to the world and thus I am spurred on to work. If I was to embrace those things within myself, all hope would be lost.
You must do what it takes. I will permit you to draw blood if you must study my chemical makeup to best prescribe something.